Do I Have to Be a Grownup?

I am almost 30. Yikes, the thought of that still kind of gets me sad. But that’s okay; I’m working through it, trying to convince myself “the best is yet to come!”

But technically in all aspects of life I am considered an adult. I am married. I have kids. I own a home. I pay my own bills. I am an adult. And sometimes I really feel like I’ve got it all figured out. I feel like I can do this thing called life. I sometimes get a little big headed about it too, like yah world, you should be jealous, I have got this in the bag!

That is until reality knocks you back down. Quick.

Today I woke up with a sore throat. Immediately I call Jamey and cry (I always cry, so this isn’t abnormal for him to answer the phone to a crying wife.) I tell him I think I might be dying. When in reality, it is just a sinus headache and probably some drainage causing my throat to hurt a little – just not how I wanted to start my day.

But somehow I managed to peel myself out of my own misery and continue on with the insane life I lead. At some point this afternoon, as Brystol and I sat down at her dance class, my dear friend pointed out the smear of baby food I had on my jeans. I knew it was there; was just hoping no one would notice. But she definitely did.

When we got home from dance, we pulled up to a street full of our neighborhood friends out playing, so we immediately joined the fun. Well the kids had fun. I am constantly reminding them to not run into the street, to remember to share, and to not throw things over the fence. But they have fun, and as a bonus they burn some much needed energy before dinner. Eventually we as moms decide to all tell the kids together we have to go in for dinner. It makes it easier when it’s a group decision!

 

 

As for dinner, I am no chef, but I can follow a recipe. So as I am trying to quickly throw dinner together the doorbell rings. I rush to the door to find our sweet neighbors with a plate full of brownies! I love chocolate – it’s the way to my heart. So as I am trying to be as gracious as I can be, Bryn is screaming in her high chair because she ran out of puffs, and Bryson is screaming “help” from the backyard. I try to continue on like I can’t hear the chaos behind me. Then the dogs get out. Not just my dog, but our friend’s dog that we are watching, also. I will not be responsible for losing someone else’s dog. No way.

My neighbor saw the panic on my face and asked if I needed to go. I scooped up the baby, grabbed Bryson off of the top of the playhouse where he was stuck (you would think he would learn by now that he can’t get down from there,) and told the kids I needed help to get the dogs. We all start running down the street – me in my house shoes with a baby on my hip, Bryson shirtless, and Brystol barefoot. We were quite a show. It was a neighborhood effort but we eventually got the dogs back safe and sound. The neighbor quickly excused himself and we went on with making dinner.

I feel like once we sit down for dinner my marathon of a day is almost over. Dinnertime is my favorite. The kids can set the table, get their own milk, and say the prayers by themselves. We talk about our favorite part of our day, and our least favorite part. We share lots of laughter around our little kitchen table. I hope the stories we share at the dinner table are the memories the kids have of their childhood; not all the chaos of the day that leads up to dinner.


I am still working on this adult thing. Maybe one day I will get it, but for now, I spend most of my day feeling like a child trying to raise children. Maybe one day I will get to wear clean clothes and make gourmet dinners, but that time is definitely not right now.
  

Twenty-Nine Never Felt So Good!

29. I remember what I thought my life would be like when I was “this old!” I was young but I thought I had it figured out! I was in my first year of college, ready to take on the world. I wanted to be a fashion designer. Or a writer. I wasn’t sure which one. Maybe even a combination of the two. I thought once I graduated college I would move myself to New York and pursue my dreams. I remember wanting to live in a fancy little apartment with a cute dog and tons of fabulous clothes. It seemed so simple. That was until I realized that was my plan, but God had a completely different one ready for me.

Before I went off to school, when I was just 18, I met Jamey. When I left for Lubbock he and I were still dating but I had no idea it would turn into something so serious. It didn’t take long for both of us to realize this was something real. Something really real. I only spent a year in Lubbock before I headed back home to continue my college classes. I spent most of my time between work and studying and trying to convince Jamey how amazing I was. It wasn’t long after that we were engaged (can you blame him, ha!) and at just 20 we were married.

Here we were - two 20-year- old kids who thought we had the world figured out. I continued school and work and he worked two jobs to make ends meet. Times were hard, but we never gave up on each other. About a year later we found out we were expecting our first baby. I was so scared, and Jamey, he was just down right terrified! Brody was born when I was barely 22 years old and it was truly love at first sight. I couldn’t believe how perfect he was. My life was complete. And I knew at that very moment God had such a better plan for me. I was supposed to be Brody’s mom. He will always be the true light of my life. Seeing Jamey as a dad brought out a whole new side of him and I fell in love with him even more.

Ten months later when Brody died my life was torn upside down. I was supposed to be a mom; I was supposed to be his mom. The pain I felt at that time of my life was like something I can’t explain. I remember spending days upon days just curled up in a ball. I wasn’t sure I would ever be a functioning human again. But again, Jamey and I never gave up on each other. He was my rock. And I feel like we grew closer than ever during that time. Our family and friends showed us such an outpouring of support and love, and slowly the days got a little easier. They’ll never be easy, but they get a little better each day.

A year later we were pregnant again with Bryson, and just a year after that with Brystol. Jamey still worked two jobs and I was a young working mom of two babies. Life was far from glamourous. In fact, life was insane. I don’t think I slept for 3 years! Who am I kidding? I still don’t sleep. (One day – maybe!) Days were long and nights were longer. But we were so happy. Always. And we always had each other. And we always had our family. The saying “it takes a village” couldn’t be more fitting!

And now we are an even bigger family with Brynlee as the final puzzle piece to our crazy life. We just moved into our little dream home and Jamey no longer has to work two jobs to make ends meet. It feels good. It feels just right. We are a busy family of lots of little ones. Days are filled with cleaning up after kids, sports, dance, and lots of love. Of course I still love fashion. I love clothes, and I love to write. And while I may not get to live in New York, I think Texas is just about perfect for a girl like me. I will count this little blog of mine as my writing. And I will count doing an obscene amount of laundry in my really cute clothes as close to the fashion world as I will get. And that’s okay with me.

 

29 is going to be great. I can feel it!